I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
