Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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