Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
