I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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