took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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