I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
