Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
