with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize