you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
