It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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