Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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