While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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