It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
