You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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