Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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