He uses pillows to masturbate.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
