me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
