carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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