And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
