omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
