When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
