i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize