How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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