You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
