"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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