when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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