She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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