Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
