I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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