Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
