garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
