i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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