everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
