Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
