I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
