i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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