There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
