Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
