i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
