"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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