"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
