great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
