Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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