sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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