broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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