Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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