Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize