1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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