Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
