can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
