I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
