omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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