you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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