So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
