I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
