Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
