I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
