I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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