so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
