She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
