If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
