I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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