If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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