Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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