I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
