I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
