I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
