the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
